Showing posts with label show don't tell. Show all posts
Showing posts with label show don't tell. Show all posts

Monday, October 1, 2018

Do You Know How to Show Versus Tell?



Since I don't often write fiction, I might not be the best person to describe the Show, Don't Tell principle of writing. It is, nevertheless, an important writing skill to hone. It is as important to hone as learning to write in active tense rather than passive or past tense. 


Just 12 years ago, or so I was tutoring a high school student. I was teaching him based on old rules. I taught him to embellish his sentences with flowery adjectives. I didn't know doing so was now passe. No, we are not to say she donned a very lovely dress--(very and words that end in ly are now to be axed.) 

The point is, that we need to keep up with new writing rules. 


So back to the show versus tell example. The manuscript I'd looked at for a woman had less than intriguing descriptions. One example is this:


Bob picked up his toothbrush, squeezed toothpaste onto it and began to brush his teeth. Then he turned off the tap, the lights, and made his way to his room. He pulled the blanket off the bed and climbed in. He was troubled because his wife was so belligerent to him and had cheated on him.   


I only saw part of the manuscript, so I'm not sure if this detail is important. However, it feels like too much detail, and the author is telling what took place rather than showing it.

I'm not sure the sample showed anything about Bob's character or appearance or that he was brushing his teeth was important to move the story along. I mean, don't we all do this at night to get ready for bed? Isn't it a little insulting to the reader to give so many obvious details? Could she not as easily have said: Bob got ready for bed?

Again, I'm not an experienced fiction writer, but I'll give it a go at a rewrite:

Bob gripped his toothbrush tightly, brushing his teeth rapidly before making his way to the empty bed, "Why did she have to cheat on me? What do I do now? I can't stay at my brother's house forever."


The single bed seemed small, the room dark and lonely. The thin flannel blanket would be Bob's only solace as he processed the newly uncovered truths. 


Again, I'm not a fiction writer so not sure I nailed it, but the second format explains the same series of events as the first, but in a way that unfolds the story a little more. Thoughts?