My Writing Love-Hate Realationship

When you're a writer you can't help but write. Maybe you write in a journal.  Maybe you have stories constantly forming in your mind.  Maybe you type pages upon pages of random unpublished material.  Maybe you write a blog.  No matter how it comes out, it seems a writer must get "it" out. 

Writing freelance as a career for myself is a love-hate relationship.  Some days I believe I might as well work out there in the real world where I'd have a regular wage and know where I'm headed day upon day.

When freelancing, there's a lot of unpaid work done.  There's often a feeling of pushing other more tangible chores aside as a gamble that the time spent writing will pay off.

I often feel I must justify myself after not getting dishes done, beds changed, floors cleaned, and so on, because I've spent time writing.  I often get so caught up in writing, I have to rush a shower before getting to an appointment.  I've often hopped into the car a raggedy mess, since I've had a teen to pick up and not left enough time for changing my clothes or applying makeup.

It's a horrible way to live. It often feels like an imaginary job.  But having a real reliable job would minimize free-flow writing time and perhaps become frustrating.  A writer must write when the inspiration is there mustn't she?

When I make an article sale, I announce it as far and wide as I can.  Article sales justify my work.  Having a few digital ebooks eventually, will give me passive income (if promoted well).  Having a book on a shelf may or may not bring the satisfaction I crave.

Because I have other sources of income, I have been able to indulge my passion.  I've learned that my writing is mostly about the message I must get out more than the income I must bring in.

I have been justified by the boundaries of having/wanting to be there to drive my kids to school and their jobs, and to pick them up as needed.  I've justified my work by being the one to buy the groceries and put dinner on the table by 6 or 6:30.  But soon both kids will be in university.  I suspect then I should get a real job.

Now, the time has come for me to jump into the shower before an appointment.  If there are proofreading errors, please forgive them, this writer must now change hats.

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